Nearly ten years after the end of her career as an X actress, Céline Tran has come a long way. Of Vietnamese origin through her dad, she has, over time, learned to understand the silences that have long surrounded her family unit. For Yahoo, in La Face Katché facing Manu Katché, Céline Tran looks back on her childhood and these “differences” which were played out in pain, but also her relationship so special to her origins and her parents, including her choice of get into the porn industry.
For years, she was known under the pseudonym of Katsuni, an X actress with numerous films and unprecedented success. But behind the glitter, Céline Tran never wanted to be reduced to just one role. Today a personal development coach, she multiplies her activities, sometimes screenwriter, sometimes blogger and writer. Cultivating her differences, she has made it her credo, her battle horse. A strength that she draws from a strict education where the transmission was made in the silences of a dad with a painful history.
“As an X actress, I was often reminded of my differences”
Born on April 9, 1979 in Lyon, Céline Tran is the fruit of a mixture of cultures. His mother is French, his Vietnamese father: “He came to France in his adolescence, when Vietnam was a French territory” she explains to Manu Katché. From an early age, she becomes aware of her “difference” through other children, as often. It is by confronting others that we take the measure of our own distinctions. Until then impervious to the remarks of her comrades, Céline Tran remembers the day when her father’s reaction made her understand everything. This day when she tells him that she is called “chintok” in the playground. “He really really took it very badly, and that’s when I realized the violence of the remarks. I understood that it was an insult.”
However, this awareness is played out without much explanation from his father. Only an “immediate anger” makes him guess the seriousness of this word. “It echoed a suffering, because I know that he suffered a lot of racist behavior” explains Céline Tran today. His father’s modesty will not allow him to say more.
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Despite everything, Céline Tran remembers a “rather quiet childhood”. He will have to reach adulthood to take the true measure of his identity. “As part of my work, knowing that I was using my image, I was reminded of it a few times. When I started as an actress in porn, one of the first remarks people made to me did is: ‘You do not correspond to the stereotypes of the young French woman.’ People want to fantasize about an image they can relate to.” He will have to go into exile in the United States so that his character of Katsuni is not locked in narrow boxes: “It was the complete opposite. I felt totally accepted, welcomed. In France there are always ‘ you’re too young, too old, not typical enough.
Constantly brought back to her “differences”, Céline Tran has never capitulated. On the contrary, she used it as a strength: “I have a character that likes that. When I am told that I could not do it, there, I have the heritage of my father. is in adversity that I feel Viet.”
“For my father, to be authoritarian is to love”
How to proudly carry a heritage without really knowing it? At home, Céline Tran remembers a quiet but demanding father. Aware of how lucky he had been to escape an arguably precarious destiny in Vietnam, his greatest projections formed around his children. But the young Céline did not share her ambitions: “I preferred to follow my path rather than obey authority. He wanted the best for me in terms of security. It was Sciences Po.” A destiny all traced by a dad who wanted his daughter to have the chance “to have a place in society, to exist.” Social success as the only integration, to avoid easy and racist attacks.
This is also one of the reasons why Céline Tran did not learn Vietnamese. “We have French first names. He really did everything so that we could be integrated, so that we did not suffer from our origins. He completely succeeded. He did not want to expose us to what he has crossed him” she analyzes today.
Over the years, Céline Tran knows that this very great protection from her father was above all based on “a lot of love”: “But I felt this feeling of protection was excessive. that I understood that it was affection. For my father, being bossy is loving, so ‘don’t answer, because I’m right and I know about you.'” If their relations are today oday much more tender than before, not everything was so obvious between father and daughter. Céline Tran admits it moreover: “If it had been like that, it is obvious, I would not have made this career choice. It lacked the complicity, the humanity that I did not perceive.”
“When he found out that I was an X actress, my father spoke to me about it with great seriousness and seriousness”
From 2001 to 2013, Céline Tran was transformed into Katsuni in many X movies. This path in the pornographic universe, at the antipodes of family demands, her father got wind of it later on. “Obviously, after a while, it became known. So I was called into his office. Because when my father wants to talk to his children, he calls us into the office. He told me about it. with great seriousness and seriousness” remembers Céline Tran. There, facing his daughter, the man prefers to provide solutions. He even offers her a way out: his financial assistance so that she breaks away from this professional path. Always this “very pragmatic and rational side, not the emotion.”
But Céline Tran did not bend: “I answered him as an adult with an equally rational answer: ‘No, it’s my career choice, I like this choice, it’s not negotiable. ‘” A clear and serene answer, which was however not easy to let go: “It hurt my heart because I knew at that moment that I was hurting him. It was for him a failure, but we never went back on it. It remained something taboo. For her part, Celine’s mother “knew for much longer.” “Her role is to harmonize relations. She kept an eye on me, she inquired through my brothers. Her role was to protect my father.”
Despite these efforts to preserve family ties, the life path of Celine Tran has a tense time the atmosphere. Difficult to open the discussion. So it was she who took a step forward. First by being more expressive, by telling them “I love you”, by showing the path of tenderness. But also by using stratagems to circumvent modesty, such as stopping telephone exchanges and adopting emails: “And then, all of a sudden, my father starts talking. It’s worth going to meet parents, and if it’s difficult to communicate verbally, it can be done in writing.”
“I have every right to say I have Vietnamese blood, but I don’t care”
Today more than anything, Céline Tran connects to the stories of her parents, their childhood memories, their loves. It is also through these exchanges that she confronted her father’s pain: “When I asked him what his best childhood memory was, nothing came out.”
After thirty years of silence around this heritage, Céline Tran has embarked on a “personal, intimate and very solitary journey” by discovering Vietnam for herself. “When I started to drop out of my old job, I asked myself the question: ‘But who are you, and who do you want to be?'” she recalls. In Vietnam, she was able to meet part of her family: “I perceived her more as a clan, a community, than a family in the emotional sense. As there is a clan spirit, there is a bond that suggests: ‘Help us’. We perceived something that was not of the order of the heart, but more of a system” she regrets.
All these inner questions led Céline Tran to discover her story, her heritage… and to choose to do what she wanted with it, detaching herself from society’s expectations: “I absolutely have the right to say I have Vietnamese blood, but I don’t care. It’s not because I have slanted eyes that I necessarily have the obligation to belong to a community. all that. Before taking into consideration what others send back to me, it’s me, what I want, what I do with it.” Or how to become what we are…
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Read also :
>> Céline Tran: “My withdrawal from X was done by several realizations”
>> Céline Tran (ex Katsuni) opened her sexuality coaching practice
>> Céline Tran: here’s how to calm your stress in less than ten minutes